Something I have continued to struggle with, throughout my 21 years, is having direction. My parents will be the first to support this statement. Unfortunately, for good reason.
I started college in an engineering program. Took a semester off when I realized it wasn’t right for me. I went back to university under the business major of entrepreneurship. I chose this because I absolutely knew I wanted to work for myself with some kind of startup. Honestly, this realization was the first valuable idea I had about my future.
But, I was miserable in my environment. Distracted myself with filler friends. All the while, I was losing myself. My soul was screaming with confusion on what I was doing with my life.
So when I decided to move to Denton, I finally had hope. Yet, I was having this frightened feeling as 21 was creeping up. This was an age that people would start to consider me an actual adult. People would start asking about my accomplishments and future plans. So I wanted to have structured plans to share.
I came with the intentions of continuing my business pursuits at the university and working a corporate job that had basically fallen into my lap. Eventually, I figured I would attend law school so I could move up the corporate ladder. In this plan, I felt some kind of strange, mediocre safety. But, truthfully, I was using this plan all for one thing. I wanted to be able to travel and I thought the only way I could do so, in a socially acceptable manner, was to have a “big girl job” that gave me vacation time.
In the consistently inconsistent way my life works out, I was let go from my corporate job the day before I was supposed to start. In that moment, all feelings of safety were gone. Coming from where I am now, I’m thankful I missed that opportunity. Because the very next day, I was hired on at the city welcome center. That job gave me a new hope about myself and I will be forever grateful of my position here.
Looking at it now, I’m irked that I was too fearful to just make my own way from the beginning. I was shying away from risk (understandable) but in doing so I sold myself short. While I was trying to obtain approval from society, I was straying further from the path that I truly wanted.
Don’t get it twisted, I knew who I was and what I wanted my life to be like. But, I had no clue how to connect the two. Meaning I didn’t really know what type of career could grant me what I dreamed.
In order to formulate an idea, I decided to focus on remembering the things that make me happy. Along with, figuring out what requirements I had for my everyday lifestyle.
Of course as most would assume, traveling remained a consistent need. But as I dove into the idea, one very specific thought kept flashing in my mind.
This went all the way back to my first exciting adventures when I was living with my family in Rome.
We were experiencing the most insane, unbelievable moments together. It was a time I felt very connected to them and to the world. Eventually it lead me to feel more centered with myself as well. This a dangerous freedom to feel at only 11 years old. It changes every cell in your body. It leaves you craving to feed your free spirit every moment from then on.
Seeing my parents tackle this intimidating feat, of moving their family to a foreign country, gave me a heart of courage and a spirit of adventure. I suspect, in some ways, my parents may regret giving me such a huge desire to familiarize myself with the world. Because it has caused me to trek down a winding (and sometimes confusing) road in figuring myself out.
However, that path lead me right here. It lead me to a place where I am finally ready to start working towards my dreams and to be working tirelessly for them. I feel the intense itch of focus and motivation to set up my life according to what I feel is successful and fulfilling. I understand this will seem rather eccentric to most, but I think that in time it will be apparent to all. This is my story.
To realize one’s destiny is a person’s only obligation. – from The Alchemist
If you would like to know more about my upcoming projects, click here to check out my blog on Patchwork Canteen.